Leaving the Nest

Tomorrow is his last day of preschool. Tomorrow he leaves the comfort of the familiar grouping of teachers who understand him and are unfazed by his many quirks, the classmates who aren't the slightest bit unsettled by his unusual outbursts, the program suited for busy boys like him -- boys with autism.
The prospect of mainstream kindergarten is exciting, but also terrifying to this mother. I have been spoiled by hours of not having to worry about what hurtful comments, what misunderstandings my son might be enduring while in school. His teachers offer no judgment, real or perceived, on my parenting abilities. I am not met at the door with a litany of my son's misdeeds. Indeed, his little classroon has been a haven in which he has truly blossomed -- if for no other reason than being accepted as who he is, diagnosis and all. Outside this classroom, there are no guarantees. People stare, they declare their disapproval to my face.
Tomorrow they are holding a miniature graduation ceremony for the students moving on to kindergarten. The children all made their own graduation hats. And I am already a tearful wreck because this is one graduation that has come too soon. In kindergarten he will be the one in 25 with a label, the child who is pulled out for special services. And while there is no shame in that, I wish -- oh, how I wish! -- it weren't so.
I am so proud of that little boy. Tonight as I go to sleep, all I can do is pray as I always have, that the Lord will keep him in His care, that the Lord will give us all the grace to face the uncertainty of the days ahead, and I will remember how far we've come...and trust that God will give us all strong wings as we leave this nest.

_______


** Pictured is one of the many poor hapless birds that our cat has brought home of late. This one just happened to still be alive when I intervened. It made a quick recovery in a box in our bathroom, then promptly beaned its little head on the glass door trying to escape. It was after this that I took the photo. After a short return to the "recovery room", it was released outside, hopefully with better cat-evading skills.

Into the Woods

As tradition dictates -- okay, so its only been two years, but I have a feeling its going to be a tradition because of its high success rate (2 for 2) -- we took a day hike for Father's Day. Last year we went up to Chinook Pass. This year Chinook Pass is still closed for Father's Day, so Daddy got to choose a new location. Today we discovered the western regions of Tiger Mountain. The name had our youngest a little worried, but we assured him that we weren't likely to run into cats of any kind and he perked up as much as any 3 year-old can when faced with a hike in a dirty diaper -- discovered halfway up the trail. We had a replacement diaper, but lacked the wipes necessary to make the transition. But I digress.... Our eldest was definitely up to the task, especially when we told him that one of the trails was called "Poo-Poo Trail," and that it leads to "Poo-Poo Point". Really. And that the "Bus Trail" does indeed feature a hollowed out Greyhound Bus, which he translated as a "puppy bus" and called it such from that point on. A fun time was had by all, including Rose (the Dog) who made some friends at a swampy lake and experienced her first attempt at swimming. Some snapshots of our day:

Warning: Contains Scotch Broom

Full Circle

We haven't had good news for a long time, but today...an answer to prayer. (For another answer to prayer, see our other site)

You'll recall how we were told that my son would automatically be put into the full-day kindergarten program, due to his team's belief that it would be the most beneficial to him. When we went to kindergarten registration at his school, however, we were told that no, this could not be the case. Prepared for such an answer, I gave them the name of the Special Services gal who we were told had made the arrangements for us. That didn't go too well either.

Two days later, I got a call from the principal at the school who said he wanted to clear up some misinformation I'd been given. He informed me that my son would still have to be entered into the kindergarten lottery, but should his name not be drawn, they would figure out a way for him to have a customized full-day program (ie. half day kindergarten + half a day of resource room pull-out time).

Now, I do want to say here that it is an unusual feeling for me to want my son to bypass the "normal" means of getting into full-day kindergarten. I sort of feel guilty that he could be given this special privilege. But then I think, well, I would gladly give up the special privilege to have a "normal" child, doing things the "normal" way. Just as I assume many handicapped people would be willing to give up their designated parking spots for "normal" bodies. But they need those spots to function, just as my son needs a certain program to be successful. Guess its just one of those things to which I'm going to have to adjust. But I digress...

It was a couple weeks until the lottery was to take place, so in the meantime we just prayed for God's will to be done, knowing that with God orchestrating things our son would end up exactly where he needed to be.

To make a long story somewhat shorter, last Wednesday was the lottery drawing. We were unsure as to whether we were supposed to contact the school or wait on them to find out the results. After two days of no contact, I called them this morning to learn that he has indeed been drawn for the full-day program! (And we don't have to pay for it!)

So nice to start the week with good news!

My Angry Son

My Angry Son

I ache to understand you

the need in you

-the driving

torturing force

erupting

lashing out

(lashing inward?)

I ache to understand

the rage in you

imprisoning

your vibrant spirit

barring you

from that sure love

you must be seeking...

talk to me!

- Grace Sandness

Belated Birthday Pictures

My little "Cowboy" turned 3 on May 17th! We had his "hossie"-themed party on the 18th....

This is my nephew, Cyprian. His birthday is May 17th too -- just two years later!

Tough Times

When You lead me to the valley of vision
I can see You in the heights
And though my humbling wouldn’t be my decision
It’s here Your glory shines so bright
So let me learn that the cross precedes the crown
To be low is to be high
That the valley’s where You make me more like Christ
Let me find Your grace in the valley
Let me find Your life in my death
Let me find Your joy in my sorrow
Your wealth in my need
That You’re near with every breath
In the valley
In the daytime there are stars in the heavens
But they only shine at night
And the deeper that I go into darkness
The more I see their radiant light
So let me learn that my losses are my gain
To be broken is to heal
That the valley’s where Your power is revealed

-In the Valley by Bob Kauflin

Things have been really tough lately. Sometimes I can hardly stand it. Most days I don't feel like I'm being refined, I feel like I'm being smashed into a million pieces. For those of you who have been sending support my way, I want to thank you. And apologize for not being better at responding. Sometimes I just don't have the words. Or the strength. But you are all so appreciated. Keep us in your prayers.