Shark Boy - Part Two(th) and Other Stories

Yes, if you look closely you will see that his permanent teeth have all but come in and the baby teeth are still there. To its credit, one of the baby teeth is very loose and could come out any day now. The other one...not so much. Being the dutiful mother that I am, I have sought out what knowledge there is to be gained...from the Internet, and have come to the conclusion that we'll just leave them be for now. Conventional wisdom seems to indicate that everything will move into place in its appointed time. If there are any dentists who read my blog and feel otherwise, please let me know. Of course, this mommy doesn't relish taking that son to the dentist any time soon -- though I know I should. Seeing as how his 5-year well-child check-up at our pediatrician's office (where he's gone all his life) mostly consisting of said 5 year-old hiding under a chair and screaming like a banshee, can you blame me? (Incidentally, this is the same pediatrician whose own son with autism has to be totally put under anesthesia for dental check-ups.) I have a few other things I have to deal with right now. Like school.

School is still not going terribly well. I get the impression that my son really enjoys school. He comes home happy and relatively mellow. Those are good signs. But apparently he is still not behaving as expected at school at times, which has resulted in several disciplinary incidents and even his having to be restrained by staff. Those are bad signs. Now, let me just say up front that I don't blame the school at all for disciplining my son. We discipline him too in those same circumstances. We just do it differently. And we try to adjust the circumstances so that he does not act out, as we are trying to understand what makes him act out. So now the school is wondering what to do with him. Something needs to be done here, they tell me. I ask them when we can meet to talk and put some things into place. Last week they told me it would happen this week. This week they are telling me it will happen next week. What are we to do in the meantime, I ask. Isn't there some way we could meet earlier so we don't have these same incidents played out day after day for another week? No, they say, we can't meet until next week. And in the meantime he needs to learn that his behavior is not acceptable, they say. Right. Like we haven't been working on that one for the last 5 years!
Again, I'm not trying to criticize the school. I am simply frustrated. You wouldn't throw a kid with no legs in a pool and expect them to just pick up swimming because they are in a pool. Children with autism have difficulty with social behavior. Its one of the key components of their make-up. It is what many autism professionals call a "core deficit". You can't throw a child with autism in a kindergarten class with 25 other kids and one teacher and expect them to just do something that they by nature simply can't do. You give the kid with no legs a kick board and an instructor in tune to that child's needs and sure, you can teach him to swim. So why not put some things in place for the child with autism? Well, if we ever have our meeting we're sure going to try.
Please pray for us as we navigate this road. I worked in public schools for two years and got to see the educator's side. I never dreamed I would have to walk the parent-with-a-special-needs-child side. I want to be sensitive to the fact that there are 24 other "normal" kids in the class that are entitled to an education free of being poked and prodded by their autistic classmate. I get that. I just want my son to have a chance too. A chance to avoid being the weird kid who gets in trouble all the time. Pray that we can figure out a way to make sure he is getting what he needs, without being seen as difficult parents.
Pray for our son's little heart, because he really and truly does not grasp why he gets in trouble all the time. Can you imagine that? Getting yelled at wherever you go and not understanding why? Its so complicated in his mind. He knows that hitting is wrong, but many times what he is doing that may in fact involve hitting to him does not qualify as hitting. He will hit someone in a certain manner and you can call him on it at that very second and he will deny to his grave that he hit that person. He will burst into the most horrible tears because to him it wasn't hitting, it was some other strange form of communication that only he understands -- but he doesn't know that he is the only one that understands it. It is truly bizarre and frustrating and heartbreaking and fascinating and all a part of who he is. This Sunday in church he quite deliberately knocked my coffee cup so that my coffee spilled down my arm and on the floor. And then he just stared at me and at the coffee and was completely and utterly baffled that I should be upset and that what he had done was not in the slightest bit acceptable or amusing. I took him out to the hallway to talk to him and he looked at me like he could not fathom what I was talking about. How could I be mad? I just wanted to hold him and cry at the complete hopelessness of it all. Thank the Lord for the sermon on grace that followed when I returned to the service. His grace is sufficient. That verse was the Rock that I clung to in the year preceding my son's diagnosis. And it is the same one I cling to now in this crazy sea He has seen fit for me to flail in for a while.

Note: Today was the first day in a week of school days that he did not receive some sort of discipline at school. I praise the Lord for that and seek His grace for tomorrow.

Another note: We have nearly completed the 5-hour RDI DVD and are so encouraged. We feel that this intervention would be a great fit for our son -- we just have to come up with the $4000 out-of-pocket to implement it. Good heavens. Makes you wish Sarah Palin actually had a chance at winning. (Okay, so it makes me wish that. Unfortunately, I don't think that's going to happen, but that's just my opinion and that's all I've got to say about that.)