Neurotypical Vs Not-So-Typical

There are certain moments when I catch myself marvelling at the differences in my two boys. The youngest is three and a half now, which is about the age where with my oldest I really had started to conclude that something was wrong. There were glimmers of it before that time, but it wasn't really concrete until age three. Having the neurotypical (ie "normal") child second obviously offers only the benefit of hindsight in that regard; "normal" behavior of the second child shows what was missing with the not-so-typical first.

Some differences are glaring, as in the pitiful stages of separation anxiety. Boy #2 leans to the extreme on this one -- he's still very clingy when it comes to his mommy. His brother, on the other hand, never shed a tear over being left in someone else's care. He usually cried when I returned to pick him up. (That's a transition issue.) Mostly he never seemed to care where I was at all. If he needed something, he would simply improvise a way to get it. (He has since learned, much to my chagrin, that if he hollers for something he might avoid having to work at getting it himself.)

Today I experienced one of the more subtle examples of something else that was missing: conversation. My younger son has developed a love for hot chocolate. He would much prefer my coffee, but this is an acceptable compromise. This morning I decided to join him in a cup and sat down beside him at the table. The little guy proceeded to tell me all about the previous evening at AWANA club, how he gets sad when I leave him with Grandma, and so on. He asked if I get sad too when I leave him, to which I replied that yes, I often miss him very much. As our conversation continued in this way, I was struck by its shocking novelty.

Ever since his brother started kindergarten this year, I have been surprised at how much the little guy talks. (And talks. And talks.) In fact, I have remarked about it on several occasions. But over that cup of hot chocolate this morning I realized that the kind of conversations I envied between other mommies and their children were actually happening to me. All that talking he's been doing is normal. It wasn't normal to hold a one-sided conversation with a silent child. (And, oh, I talked and talked to that child! Being the quiet type, I was so worried that he would be lacking interactive conversation, so I talked about everything I could possibly think of....) As he got older, the silent child spoke more often. But I realize now that he never shared feelings or thoughts about his experiences. He asked questions. Repetitively. One after another. He never responded when spoken to...until about age four when he would respond with a squawk and a smack to the stomach before bolting from the room.

Its funny to feel like a new mommy when you're raising your second child. There have been so many milestones, most of them subtle, that we simply never had with our eldest. Right now I'm working on potty training with our three year-old. His brother potty trained himself in one day when he was nearly four. Never an accident, never big-boy underwear by day and pull-ups by night. Diapers to underwear in one day -- just because he wanted to. Even then I knew that was unusual! I have no idea what to expect this time around. I do know that I got off easy the first time around, at least on that one account.

Today, when I hugged my soon-to-be-six year-old before I sent him off to school, I told him that I loved him. For about the fourth time in his entire life he actually responded -- he said "Me too."

_________

** I just realized that this is my 99th post. Am I supposed to do something interesting for my 100th? Any ideas?